Modern Chinese Proverbs

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

My latest pin-up boy: Oscar Pistorius

My boy made it to Time 100: Most Influential People in the World. 

Oscar Pistorius

By Erik Weihenmayer

When I was learning how to climb mountains as a blind person, I had a lot of encouragement from experts. But after I summited Mount Everest, these people weren't ready to accept what I had done at face value. Some said I must have cheated; one even claimed I had an unfair advantage: "I'd climb Mount Everest too if I couldn't see how far I had to fall."

Similarly, when Oscar Pistorius' lower legs were amputated at age 1, few would have banked on this South African challenging world-class sprinters. At 20, when he began to close in on an Olympic-qualifying time for the 400 m, experts posited that his times were so good, he must have been getting an un-fair advantage from his bladelike prosthetics. When he set his sights on the Olympic Games in Beijing, the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) ruled he couldn't compete against able-bodied athletes. An IAAF-initiated study found that more energy is returned to Pistorius' upper legs from his blades than from ankles and calf muscles and that he uses less oxygen.

Pistorius, 21, is appealing, on the basis of studies with differing results. It was only recently that living with prosthetic legs was seen as a huge impediment, but he has turned this perception upside down. He's on the cusp of a paradigm shift in which disability becomes ability, disadvantage becomes advantage. Yet we mustn't lose sight of what makes an athlete great. It's too easy to credit Pistorius' success to technology. Through birth or circumstance, some are given certain gifts, but it's what one does with those gifts, the hours devoted to training, the desire to be the best, that is at the true heart of a champion.

Weihenmayer is the only blind person to conquer Mount Everest

http://www.time.com/time/specials/2007/article/0,28804,1733748_1733756_1735285,00.html

Investing In Your 20s

Get Started--Now 
OK, you've graduated with a pile of debt from student loans, and you're making real money at a real job for the first time in your life. Retirement seems as distant as the Himalayas, but now's the time to get started. (No kidding.) 

Get The Facts 
Some of your friends may attempt to extend adolescence by going to graduate school to study arcane subjects. But if you're out of school, you've learned life's basic lesson: You're on your own, and everything is up to you. Devote your studies to the beauty of the 401(k). Read up on taxes. You can't plan without information. 

Make A Plan 
Your stylish friends will hoot, but develop a written retirement plan. Set goals and determine what you need to achieve them. The plan will change over time, but without a goal and a blueprint, it's easy to do nothing--and nothing will get done. 

Start Saving 
Consider setting aside 10% of your gross pay each month. Stupid-proof contributions to your 401(k) by making them automatic. This means you won't have to run to the bank each month, and you can't spend the money foolishly. You'll soon discover that it's easy to adjust your expenses to meet available cash. 

Stick With It 
Once you've set up a 401(k), don't tinker with the automatic contributions and don't borrow against it for a glorious trip to Europe with your sweetie. Keep an eye on your investments and broaden your study of investing. It's positive feedback: The more you know, the easier it is to learn more--and you'll make better investment decisions. 

Burgeoning Gut 
Shocking but true: The 28-inch-waist jeans you wore as an undergraduate may be tight in your late 20s. So, work on keeping your gut under control and that other peril of youth, debt. Many young people run up huge credit-card debts. This is stupid--check the interest rate. It also delays putting money aside for retirement. 

Don't Count On Uncle Sam 
The world has changed since the 1930s when Social Security was created. People live longer and will spend more time in retirement. The Baby Boomers will break Social Security, or force it to be changed beyond recognition. That means you can't depend on government programs in retirement. It's up to you. 

excerpt form: http://www.forbes.com/2004/09/28/cx_sr_0928retirement_2.html

When you want the most of your money

When you get your first "real" job:

 

Start a savings account to build a cash reserve.

Start a retirement fund and make regular monthly contributions, no matter how small.

When you get a raise:

 

Increase your contribution to your company-sponsored retirement plan.

Invest after-tax dollars in municipal bonds that offer tax-exempt interest.

Increase your cash reserves.

When you get married:

 

Determine your new investment contributions and allocations, taking into account your combined income and expenses.

When you want to buy your first house:

 

Invest some of your non-retirement savings in a short-term investment specifically for funding your down payment, closing, and moving costs.

When you have a baby:

 

Increase your cash reserves.

Increase your life insurance.

Start a college fund.

When you change jobs:

 

Review your investment strategy and asset allocation to accommodate a new salary and a different benefits package.

Consider your distribution options for your company's retirement savings or pension plan. You may want to roll over money into a new plan or IRA.

When all your children have moved out of the house:

 

Boost your retirement savings contributions.

When you reach 55:

 

Review your retirement fund asset allocation to accommodate the shorter time frame for your investments.

Continue saving for retirement.

When you retire:

 

Carefully study the options you may have for taking money from your company retirement plan. Discuss your alternatives with your financial advisor.

Review your combined potential income after retirement and reallocate your investments to provide the income you need while still providing for some growth in capital to help beat inflation and fund your later years.

excerpt from: http://www.wachovia.com/misc/0,,143,00.html

ALCOHOL BAN

I am putting myself under lifetime alcohol ban after totally conking out at Cathy's birthday party last Saturday. Suffice it to say that the party lasted until 3am but I only remember the events until about 11.30. Beyond that, I was probably in some alcoholic's limbo, swishing in my own puke.

So please, if you don't want me to sock you in the head, don't ever put an alcoholic beverage near me. EVER. I'll go rabid and bit off your knickerboxers, I swear.